I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize