Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
