thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
