glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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