I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dick very happy bro
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
