that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
