Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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