Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
