Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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