What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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