his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
