Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
