If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize