Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Boobs speak an international language.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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