I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
