I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
