I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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