That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
