I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
