How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
smell my finger.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
