every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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