none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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