I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
