I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
