I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
