Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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