I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
