Have you finally orgasmed yet?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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