Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
