I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize