He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
