5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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