Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
