I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
