oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
