and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
