Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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