I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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