bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
