i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
