My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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