you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
