I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
