walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
