In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
