yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
