Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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