you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
