sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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