this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize