How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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