if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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