one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
