my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
