You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
