you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
