Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
