somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize