Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
