Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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