So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
