Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
