how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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