i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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