So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize