ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
