I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
