I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
